This fucking scene.
Minnie and I were just talking about how Nick enters this scene, totally realizing he upset her. He knew he fucked up and he’s trying to put a balm on it, trying to act like it’s all still okay, and that he doesn’t think less of her, even if he didn’t necessarily trust her with this. Sometimes to do things, you need to lie to the closest around you in order for your plan to succeed and I feel like Nick knew that Maria could help him more than Natasha could based solely on Maria’s position within SHIELD.
And Natasha, our little spy, completely understands that. On a logical level, that makes sense. It is what has kept her alive for so long and what has allowed her to be amazing at her job. It’s incredibly reflective of what she told Steve in the car on their way to New Jersey. Not being all things to all people all the time is a fantastic way not to die. But her saying ‘that’s the problem’ in this scene is her coming to her own realization of what Steve was trying to tell her: that this is a shit way to live. That being so deceitful and fake isn’t living. It’s like only wearing the mask of a human but not feeling anything. And if Natasha has learned anything over the course of The Avengers and CA: The Winter Soldier, it’s that she is not just some monster, she is not someone who doesn’t actually have feelings or who doesn’t care about anyone else. She may have red in her ledger but she is infallibly human. She cares about people (about Nick and Clint and, to this new extent, Steve) fiercely and she’s experiencing first hand what her actions do to those people that she cares about.
And she’s realizing right here, that she wants so much more than what she has allowed herself. All of the lying and half truths are not the answer to her way of life, they are the problem. Natasha knows how to be a spy, but she’s still learning how to just be Natasha.
What I wouldn’t give to see this carried out well in Age of Ultron and, jesus, what a fucking fantastic set up for a Black Widow stand alone
I MEANNNNNNN ALL I WANT IS NAT AND NICK BEING BEST FRIENDS LIKE THEY ALREADY ARE AND HUGS AND TRUST AND CRYING AND FRIENDSHIP